Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
