Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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