Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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