I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
