Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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