AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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