it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
