Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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