I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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