I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
