and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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