She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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