I think my fart just growled at me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
