Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
