I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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