Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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