you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
