This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
