Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
