rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize