would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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