just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
