My friends, they love my intelligence
I think i peed on brittanys purse
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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