This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
