I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
