i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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