4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
worst night to have a conscience
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
