your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
