she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
