meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
