i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
only if we run a train.
done.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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