i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
