you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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