I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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