im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
