But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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