I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
