What a fucking waste of an outfit
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
