Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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