If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
