umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
