it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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