Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
