honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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