I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
