So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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