I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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