i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
