i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
