planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
