2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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