dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize