the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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