Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
