Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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