All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Can I color on your dick again?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
