Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
