i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
