Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
