he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
