I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
