Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
