i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Small penises have feelings too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
