I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
