We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
