Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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