oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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