so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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