Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
