You smell like a Billy Joel song
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
