please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
