Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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