the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
