have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
