i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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