even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
