life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
