Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
