I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
